Suckmyjankzz went ballz deep into Yo Belichick Yo Self vocal channel
The time has come. The time for a new king to wear the crown. King Jason is here after putting prince Cam in his place. The past four weeks, Cam was running around the league like he was the king of the jungle. My guess is Cam felt this way because he did engrave his name in the lions of the league, however, the real king has arrived. Thanks to Jason, no one gives a fuck about Cam anymore. No one cares what he did during the first four weeks of the season. All we care about now is King Jason. On second thought, Jason is a nice guy, and I don’t think he will appreciate us treating Cam so badly. To show we still care about Cam, I think we should send Cam some warm water and honey to help soothe his throat so it could heal before the next guy comes knocking. Jason is now my favorite and will remain my favorite until further notice. Mr. Jankzz, thank you for going ballzz deep into Cam’s vocal channel to knock him off his high horse.
Jesse uses The Big Green Banana to make T the world bitch once again
Sometimes you must be careful what you wish for. All week long, T spent all the time in the world tormenting Jesse after getting off to a great start. The tables then quickly turned. Sometimes all you need is a little motivation. A few weeks ago I called Jesse the rotten banana. Rumor is, Jesse printed that picture of the rotten banana and slept with it under his pillow every night. Jesse patiently waited for week 5 to get the big green banana hard and throbbing again. This was a teachable moment for many. The race is not for the swift, the race is for those who can endure the challenges of every moment and Jesse showed he had what it takes to do so. T on the other hand now has to sit back and figure out how to recover from losing to Jesse. I’m not even sure if there is a way to recover after taking a big green banana in places that you probably shouldn’t. All I can say to the rest of the league it so watch out, because the big green banana will leave you scarred for life.
My Ball Zack Ertz Finally lives up to the Griffin name after a week 5 bye
Ryan, we can tell our parents to burn the adoption papers now. Luke is finally showing he wants to remain in the family. This year had been strange for me when it comes to Luke. I am used to writing about Luke being the greatest week after week but it’s not there this year. He is hanging around but I need greatness. Maybe this was all Luke needed, just an eye opener. I think now that Like realized he was so closed to being kicked out of the family, maybe now he will get his shit together. I am expecting my other big brother go pull off another win in week 6. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you Mr. Pink shirt 2023. I want to say Walt is on the verge, but I think he’s already there. The pink shirt is locked in for Walt. I believe the year 1854 was when Walt last scored over 100 points or even recorded a win. Nothing has changed here, Pinky is at it again. Walt just let me know what size t-shirt we can get you.
Shady’s walking around with his zipper down after a date with BillsAllDayEveryday
You know, if it wasn’t for Jason beating Cam, Shady would have been my favorite heading into week 6. Shady fucked with everyone’s mind after week 1. Shady loss in the season opener and started to type his letter of resignation and called the commissioner to let him know he will be sending it in. Word of this started to make its way around the league. Ryan got word of this and reached out to Shady and told him he was being a little bitch for wanting to retire just before playing him. Shady burned his letter and decided to give it another shot. Shady came into week two empty handed, however he left with a cigar in one hand and the Shady Shaker in the other. Ever since that day Shady has been shaking the shaker week after week and hasn’t lost a game since. If Shady wins another this week, we’ll have to start the weekly win streak tracker. Paul tried to fool us, but no one fell for it. He is our little prostitute, and we should all thank Jesse for bringing him in. I don’t think anyone has to ever worry about Paul when he shows up on their schedule. Paul has yet to show us anything. He is going to be slut all day everyday as usually. Just do us all a favor and go light Shady’s cigar and give his shaker one last shake.
Suck My Ditka provided The Eagle Empire with some ditka sauce for lip gloss
We’re just going to get to the point on this one. Most of us show up on Sunday to play football, while some of us show up to suck on people’s ditka. Now that winter is right around the corner, Mark wanted to make sure his personal hygiene was in order. He got a pedicure, manicure, and a nice haircut, well, not a haircut because I heard someone said Mark was bald. The only thing that was missing was lip protectant for Mark’s nice, puckered lips. Ryan showed up to play football, but Mark showed up to suck ditka (thanks Mark) it was a ditka sucking marathon and Mark came in first place by a mile. You all know this is Ryan’s trademark. When Ryan shows up to a match, he doesn’t leave until it is complete destruction. Week 5 was no different and I don’t expect week 6 to be any different.
Who Dat now has the entire nation behind him after keeping Tyler at 1 win on the season
I would like to apologize to you all. A few weeks ago, I was picking on Chris because he was not having a great season. Someone warned me not to poke the bear. Well, I didn’t listen and now the bear is awake. Thankfully, the bear didn’t wake up vigorously against me, he woke up with vengeance against my opponent in the championship game. I am afraid this could be the end of the fantasy season for the rest of us. Chris made it clear he is getting number 4 this year. Now that he has found his winning formula, I don’t think there is anything anyone could do to stop him now. A very humble recap for a very humbled champion. Looks like we have found the old Tyler from back in the days. Tyler doesn’t even seem to be trying this year. I don’t think we have ever had two pink shirt winners in one year, but I think we can make an exception this year. I think we can have Walt and Tyler wear the same shirt on the same day. They can each put one hand out of one sleeve, while using their other hand to hug each other. I heard Walt has a hairy body so this should be interesting.
Rugknuckles shows up against last year pink princess
I think this one is simple. When you wear the pink shir, no one respects you. This was disrespectful to Bill. This is not how you treat a legend. You don’t have someone of Bill’s stature play against a pink princess. Regardless, Bill came through and delivered like a legend would in this situation. I do miss Bill being my favorite, hopefully he can find his way back to my heart soon. RJ can give you a migraine. I never know what to expect from RJ. One week he is serious and the next he wants to be a little whore. If this trend continues, maybe he will be serious next week. The only thing I am hoping for is to be the one he’s going to play when he wants to be a whore once again.
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