Tee Higgins helped Luke capture the top performance spot for week 2.
Jesse buried his Big Green Banana deep into Jason’s poop tank
I need to apologize to Jesse. For those of you who don’t know, Jesse bought a penis pump over the summer. He put in a lot of work that he was extremely proud of. One day Jesse was standing in front of the mirror and was like wow, what do I name this beast? He settled on The Big Green Banana. Jesse came into week 1 feeling proud, but then his big green banana went down faster than Rodgers on Monday night. Jesse then went back home and was in the process of trying to get a full refund on his penis pump when he decided to give it one more try. When week 2 started Jesse asked Jason what it feels like to have someone suck on your Jankzz. By the end of week 2, Jason’s response was, I can show you better than I can tell you. The Big Green Banana destroyed Jason’s little asshole in week two. After the damage Jesse caused in week 2, I think it’s safe to say the Big Green Banana is back in business and is looking for his new deep throat victim
Yo Belichick Yo Self has 99 problems and this Bitch Who Dat Nation ain’t one
Do we have any Jay-Z fans in the house? Well if we don’t, let me help you out. Jay-Z has a song called 99 problems. The chorus of this song reminds me of Cam because he has 99 problems but Chris ain’t one. Dating back to last year Cam made light work of Chris. Cam took care of Chirs in week 4. You would think it was still early in the season and Chris was just warming up. Let’s fast forward to week 8, one of the most important weeks of the season, Rivilary week!!! You would think Chris would show up and show why he has 3 championships, but instead he decided to give it up to Cam again. It must feel good to be Cam knowing you don’t ever have to worry about a guy with three championships. If you want to know how Cam feels about each of Chris’s trophies, just look at Cam’s last three wins, each symbolizes him shitting on each of each of them because Cam just doesn’t give a fuck. You ever wonder what Chris’s favorite exercise is? It’s the squat. It’s not because he wants strong thighs, but it’s because he wants a nice ass, so he could display his ass and his twat in his brand-new pink tights. If you want a preview of what I mean, look below.
My Ball Zach Ertz cast his shadow on the league’s top scorer Rugknuckles
This is a dominant win for Luke. When men get into competition, it’s all about who’s got the biggest dick. We could have called Luke, big dick Luke last year because he was leading the league with points scored for most of the season. How do you prove you have the biggest dick in the league? You come out and beat the team that’s leading the league in scoring. The Griffin brothers are special, we have Ryan who likes to leave his mushroom stamp and you have Luke who likes to cast a shadow. I tried to find something to write about Bill but I couldn’t seem to find anything. Maybe after Luke moves onto cast his shadow elsewhere in week 3 then maybe we’ll see what Bill has to offer. Bill, just in case you were wondering, getting shadowed is the same as getting T-bagged in my book.
The Steel Curtain continues to add to BillsAllDayEveryday
Rj is my favorite right now. When you’re my favorite you get lots of love, just ask Bill. He used to be my favorite so if he beats me this week we can just chalk it up as me giving him one for old times’ sake. If I had to choose my MVP today, it would RJ, but I no longer make those decisions, Trey and Tyler do. What I’m enjoying most about RJ is watching him do one of the things I enjoy seeing the most, and that is watching the losers lose. Speaking of losers, let me introduce you to Paul aka LoseAlllDayEveryday. I really don’t understand why Jesse did this to his brother. I thought Jesse was a nice guy who cared about people, but then I realized Jesse is just trying to make some money. I think Jesse brought his brother here so he could record sex tapes of his brother getting gang banged week after week. Paul is turning into a little slut right before our eyes. Maybe he should change his name to SluttingAllDayEveryday. Maybe the Bills in his name is a representation of the week 1 Bills that blew the game against the Jets. That’s it!! BlowingAllDayEveryday. Thank you for being here Paul, we all need a good blow once on a while.
TVann32 throws his log at Tree Huggers
After losing week 1, Tyler had to figure out a way to get back on track. It is always important to study your opponent’s so you can learn about their weaknesses. Even though Walt loss in week 1, you can never be too careful in this league. After trying to figure it out all week, it finally hit. Tyler realized how much Walt loves hugging logs and figured he would throw his own log out for Walt to hug on. Well Tyler did and the rest was history. Walt grabbed onto Tyler’s log like a fresh fish in a prison pod and never let go. Walt is currently still looking for his first win. Normally when you talk about Walt and him not winning, he’s usually at the bottom of the table. Unbelievably, Walt has scored more points than the 3–time champion Chris. Walt is probably going to lose again this week, but I hope he doesn’t play Chirs soon because I want to see both of them keep losing!
Shady gives Ryan a taste of his own Ditka
Sometimes in life you must make certain decisions that will make you stand out from the rest of the world. Some people are afraid of a challenge but not Shady. Ryan is always talking about someone sucking his ditka or him leaving his mushroom stamp. Well, Shady wasn’t having any of it in week 2. Instead Matt went after the guy who has the most scoring title in league’s history to show that he just doesn’t give a fuck similar to Cam. Shady has always found a way to put the pieces together and I am happy to see it work out here. It’s good to see Ryan get put in his place for once. For all the ditka he’s made others suck over the years, it’s good to see him finally have to clean the proactive off his face after getting blasted by the Shady Shaker
The Eagle Empire avenges his semifinals loss to World Boss
Mark hands down had the best team last year. The hardest pill to swallow is seeing the team that beat you in the semifinals go onto winning the championship. Mark lived with this throughout the entire offseason. The only thing Mark thought about was, how do I turn World Boss into his world bitch. Week 2 was a perfect example of how. Mark wanted to come out and show T he didn’t deserve last year’s win and it was just a fluke. With a 2-0 start this year, I am going to say Mark is letting us know he’s getting chip number 2 this year. World Bitch now has to think about what he is going to do when he has to finally give the trophy to Mark this year. It is going to be the saddest day of his life.
Good Luck to you all in week 3
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