In honor of Aaron and Jason’s big top performance of week 1
Yo Belichick Yo Self welcomes the rookie BillsAllDayEveryday to the League of Legends
When you are the division winner, there is a certain expectation that comes with that. The expectation is that you will continue to be a force in the league and win games to defend your division title. The sweetest part about winning is when you win against fresh meat, however the best part is when you take their money as well. I am shocked Jesse would do this to his brother. My guess is Jesse hates his brother. They probably got into a lot of fights as kids with Paul winning most of them. Jesse then tried to figure out the best way to get back at Paul and he decided to throw him to the wolves. I’ve already seen enough from this newcomer after one week. He doesn’t stand a chance in this league. Not only did he just donate his league buy in but now you lost $20 to Cam. When you call out the guy who collected a trophy in your presence for winning the most games last year, you better be able to back it up. Paul you can run but you can’t hide. The league loves to feast on fresh meat and thanks to Cam, your pants is already around your ankles. Keep assuming that position because there is more to come. Great first step in defending your division crown Cam
The Eagle Empire castrates Luke, leaving his Ball Zach Hurting
Football is back and Mark is back looking for blood. After a very successful season last year, Mark is looking to set the tone early. Mark ended last season with 4 straight regular season wins and is picking up right where he left off. When you are a top performer and commissioner special award winner you have to show your opponents what you’re all about. The Eagle Empire left their “Mark” on Luke’s ball Zach in week one but didn’t finih the job. Mark knew Bill would be playing Luke the next week, so Mark only destroyed one of Luke’s nuts and told his brother to go and destroy the other in week 2. What I cannot seem to understand is, Luke was the first team to score 1000 points last year and after week 1 he finds himself in the pink shirt/manzier position. All the hype about Luke being the first to 50 wins was for nothing. He cant even seem to buy a win to start the year. Luke loss to Bill in week 2 of last year, let’s see if Bill still has some of that 2022-week 2 magic remaining to keep Luke winless
The Champ puts another ass whopping on the 3-time chump
The last time T and Chris faced off was back in week 9 of the 2022 season. Before, during and after that matchup, Chris spent more time on his knees begging for mercy than the hookers at the red-light district. The days of Chirs being idolized are no more. The days of wondering how he got his own page is slowly fading away as well. You would think after Chris had to not only give T the trophy and belt, but also dispose of his excitement, he would have put up a better fight in week one. You would think he would want to send a message, but instead, he did what the rest of this league will soon be doing and that is to bow to the King of fantasy. I suggest you all follow Chris’s lead and bow to the King now, if not, I’ll make what happened to Chris be 10 times worst for the rest of you.
Mr. Pink shirt RJ trades in his Manzier for a nail-biting win over shaky Mccoy.
First off, I want to give RJ a big shoutout for wearing the league’s first pink Manzier. He wasn’t even informed of what was going to happen and he stepped up to the plate. Maybe Chris needs to take a page out of RJ’s book. RJ came out swinging to let us know he’s not planning on wearing the pink shirt again this year. This is how you respond when you suffer a traumatizing event from the prior season. You come out and send a message by winning, unlike Chris who sent the message that prostitution is the way of life. We used to call Matt Shady Mccoy, but now he’s looking like shaky Mccoy. Matt tried to pull off the comeback but instead he only ended up with cum on his… never mind. You ever seen a baby camel when it’s first born, or a chick trying to walk after being banged out? that was Shad…, I mean Shaky in week one. The one thing I love the most is watching the losers lose and the winners win. Let’s see if Ryan can make Shaky suck his Ditka in week 2
SuckmyJankzz puts up the league’s first top performance against Tree Huggers
Walt should have know better than to name his team tree huggers. If walt was paying attention, he would know there is nothing more Jason loves than smoking trees. Walt got rolled up and smoked the fuck out. Jason was so excited to see Walt on the schedule that he exploded with excitement for a league high 140!! I love when someone comes to the draft who did not win a trophy from the year before comes out and puts his name on the board for the top performer award. I am rooting for Jason to put up back-to-back top performances, which is why he will headline the game of week 2. Last year Walt spent his time humping trees and now this year he’s spending his time getting rolled and smoked. Let’s see if Walt will be the blunt of the league and get passed around again next week.
Suck My Ditka continues to be the hottest team dating back to 2022 after taking out last year’s second place team
Ryan ended last year with a 5-game winning streak and now started 2023 with another win. What’s even more impressive is the win came against a team that was in the championship last year. Writing about Ryan is easy. The only thing Ryan knows is how to win, if for some reason Ryan loses a match, it’s probably because his opponents found a way to cheat. Ryan is still the man with the most scoring titles in this league so I’m expecting him to continue this winning streak. Well once again Tyler finishes second in a matchup. You would think Tyler would be hungry and motivated to get back to the finals with a strong start to the season, but I guess not. The league always needs donations and Tyler is shaping up to be one of the generous ones this year.
Rugknuckles will make Jesse change his name after a heartbreaking week 1 loss
Is this the year Bill becomes my eye candy once again? Time will tell, but he’s surely off to a great start to being the face of the league once again. Bill was on the verge of capturing the top performer award for week 1 but fell just short. This season will be a lot about T and Bill. Both of them are trying to get the championship number locked up. I believe this season will end with Bill and T playing each other in the finals. I am sure you all can figure out who the winner of that matchup will be. What do you get when you leave a banana sitting out too long? You get Jesse’s team. A rotten, smelly, old pile of shit. After seeing RJ in pink this year, I now have a vision of seeing Jesse in pink. After putting up the second lowest score this week, I don’t think anyone has to worry about the limp rotten banana.
Good Luck in Week 2!!!!
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